Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
honey bunches of taint.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
