Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
