It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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