i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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