Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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