im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
