When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
