Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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