i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my poor anus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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