I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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