Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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