weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got inside last night via doggy door
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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