are you still at the devil's house?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
