All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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