Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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