areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
