I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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