Welp...herpes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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