I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
