U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
