I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
