the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
