Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
