I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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