so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
