Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
