I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it's like heaven, but drunker
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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