I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
