last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
