I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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