i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
