Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
