hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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