I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
