Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
