No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize