yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
