my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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