GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
