you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
