So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
