Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
