i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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