I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
