Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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