Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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