I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
