he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
