Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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