i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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