The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
