She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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