VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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