the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
