I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
