i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
