I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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