So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize