shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
