i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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