I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
