all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
last night I used snow as a chaser
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