Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
