I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize